Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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