So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize