grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
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