you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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