k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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