She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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