I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
