I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
