I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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