I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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