It's Friday. Sex?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
