i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
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I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
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what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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