apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize