My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
