Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
