WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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