My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
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at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
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the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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