I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
