in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
