I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
