In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I need to calm my uterus...
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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