my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize