Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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