Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
