Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.