He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
As shirtless as possible
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!