I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night