Cold hands, warm shart.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Randomize
