don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
