You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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