I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
