1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
tell me about the fingering
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
