I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
