Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
