Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
no, he came in my armpit
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
She made me pour olive oil on her.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
