Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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