i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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