the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Randomize
