my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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