My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
