oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
