you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
why do cheetos always look like penises
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
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well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
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With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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