my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
