Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
