After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
