either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
