Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
