The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
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