Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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