Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
