I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
