after a month anything with tits is on the radar
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
