i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
