So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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