I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
