I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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