Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
