I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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