you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
