So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
