I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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