fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
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I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
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Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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