i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize