Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
