i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
