Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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