I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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