I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
