sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
