u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
