she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
